I am someone who grew up under circumstances and in an environment that the world will dub not conducive to growth, talk less of flourishing. Yet here I am. I am evidence of God’s goodness through the broken pieces because these pieces provide a greater surface area for His glory to diffuse out.
My Father triggered my trauma. It would be easy to say this was when he handed me the divorce letters he had processed behind my Mama’s back. He divorced her behind her back and gave the grenade to his 7 or 8-year-old daughter to deliver to her.
The trauma was actually triggered in the womb. Where he was physically, emotionally, and financially abusive to my Mama. And by proxy, he did so to me. I am a daddy’s girl with daddy issues. Rephrase: I am a daddy’s girl with daddy wounds that my Heavenly Father has lovingly tended to and has been lovingly tending to.
I came to Christ with the thought:” oh God can be my Father?”. Yes, the realisation that I was not automatically Christian because I was born in a Christian home. Yes, coming face to face with being a sinner that is saved by GRACE alone, through FAITH alone, in CHRIST JESUS alone.
All these realisations but a journey and a process through the hills and valleys. Through depressive and suicidal thoughts, heartbreaks, questions of faith, rebellious pushbacks, and so much more. Yet through it all my name, Tioluwani Oluwapelumi, has rung true: Belonging to God, God is with me.
I really don’t deserve it and this recovering people pleaser truly knows she could never earn it. I know I am perfectly in process and the imperfections make me beautiful because they testify of a perfect God. My testimony is in spite of BUT God.
I am on a lifelong learning adventure and God keeps revealing more of Himself daily, hourly, minutely.
In this current season, I am encountering and experiencing that thought I had at 10 years old: ” oh God can be my Father?”.
He is Fathering me and His timing is oh so perfect because I needed to go through some healing to get to this point of receiving this facet of His nature fully. He is oh so patient and kind. I continue to see beauty through the process of life because of Him.
I grow through and give the mess of life a poetic voice because of Him.
My Saviour. My Lover. My Friend.
And a recent bold declaration, minus the cringe cheese: My Abba Father.